Retirement, I think I Got Something to Say to You

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There's a lyric in Rod Stewart’s 1971 classic “Maggie May” that goes, “It’s late September and I really should be back at school.” When the song first came out, that particular line always triggered a tiny bit of anxiety in me whenever I heard it. I’m pretty sure it was because I was a guy who found comfort in the structure of a schedule and worried about violating some rule or missing something important if I wasn’t in class when I was supposed to be. So, the notion that it was late September and someone wasn’t back in school when they were supposed to be sort of touched a nerve. 

Years passed, of course, and I thought that I had gotten past finding comfort in structure. And I had, to a large extent. But now, in my second week of retirement, I realize that the feeling is still there, lurking in the background and occasionally popping up to let me know. For example, I was out working in the yard last week and had a moment of mild panic -- a feeling that I needed to dial in to a call or perhaps check in with my colleagues to stay in the loop. It subsided pretty quickly when I reminded myself that I don’t have to do that anymore.

I’ve taken pride in never having defined myself by my work. And I really haven’t. But looking back on the last 40 years at work, it’s pretty clear now that if I didn’t rely on my company or my job to define me, I did rely on them to provide a degree of structure that made me comfortable. (By the way, the paycheck and benefits also helped a lot.)

I’m starting to see now that among the challenges of retirement are to become comfortable without the structure of a schedule or to develop the discipline to create my own structure. Or both. This blog is part of how I plan to do that. Though I’ve never been what the job ads call a “self-starter,” I've had some nice inquiries asking if I plan to free-lance or “consult” (whatever that means) so I might do that once I play a little more. I want to become more fit so I’ll plan to devote a certain number of hours to swimming laps and working out. There’s the garden, of course, and cooking. (Let's not forget cooking!)  And finally, there are some courses I’d be interested in taking through our county system or at local community colleges.  So I suppose I could collect my books and get on back to school.