One of the best little books I've ever read is called, "Never Confuse a Memo with Reality," (subtitle: And Other Business lessons Too Simple Not to Know"), by Richard A. Moran, published in 1993 by Harpers Collins. It's a tidy collection of words of wisdom for surviving and perhaps even thriving as an employee in the corporate world. By the time I discovered the book about 12 years ago I had already confirmed the wisdom of nearly every bit of advice it offers. Some is obvious, like, "You'll never regret having spent too much time with your kids," or "Never wear a tie with a stain on it." Other bits express things we may know inherently, but rarely say out loud, like, "The size of your office is not as important as the size of your paycheck," and the advice in the title: "Never confuse a memo with reality...most memos from the top are political fantasy."
I consult this little book regularly to get re-grounded and stay sane (relatively) when corporate baloney and artificial urgency are swirling around me. But on a day to day basis, in and out of work, I reflect often on advice I've gotten from the friends and mentors who have helped to shape my attitudes and approach to work and life. I thought it might be helpful to share some of that from time to time.
Barry, for whom I worked for 20 years and who is one of my closest friends, shared this: "You wouldn't worry what people think about you if you realized how seldom they do."
Barry also gave me another bit of advice that I try desperately to follow. Talking about the relationship with one's employer, he said, "Take their money. Eat their food. Drink their booze and shut up." It's that last bit I sometimes have trouble with.
My late friend Ralph said and did so many things that I don't think he intended as advice or examples, but that I think about frequently when I'm assessing my reaction to things.
Once, I was sitting at a nearly empty bar with Ralph and some of his friends when an angry drunk came up to me and said, "Hey! You're sitting in my seat." And he meant it, too. It seemed especially absurd when I looked down the bar at all the empty seats. I turned to Ralph for support (and maybe protection) and he said, "Tony, I believe you're sitting in this gentleman's seat." In other words, "It's not worth it. Pick your arguments." Also, "You can't win an argument with a drunk."
Ralph also observed something that hasn't really changed the way I behave or react but just shed light on why I and other men do what we do sometimes. He said simply, "Men do what women want." There will be those who take issue with that observation, but in general I think humans are hardwired in a way that makes Ralph's observation true most of the time. It's another way of saying, "When momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."
I'll try to remember to share other bits of advice I've gotten (good and bad) from time to time. I'll close with one more from the book -- one that I've shared with a lot of people who are just starting to work in the corporate world and often have to make tough choices.
"Life is Choices: always choose to do what you will remember ten years from now."
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