It’s been about 27 years since I went on a job interview in which a senior executive of the company for which I was about to work asked me, “What religion are you?” Even back then this was an extraordinary, not to say inappropriate question for a job interview. But the fact that he asked it amused me so I smiled and said, “Catholic,” to which he replied, “Oh yeah? You’re a fish-eater, huh? A bead twirler?” And then he laughed uproariously. He explained that he, too, was Catholic and those terms had been used to describe him so it was all right. And you know what? It was.
During that same interview he asked me, “Do you ever put your feet up on your desk?” I answered truthfully, “Sometimes.” He shot back, “You’re lazy!” Amazingly, I got the job and soon confirmed what I suspected: this particular exec was a gruff vestige from an earlier age. But he wasn’t a bad guy. Political correctness was already on the march back then but somehow it hadn’t caught up to him. He wasn’t stupid, but he thought and spoke in very simple, stark terms, without guile or pretense. And sometimes his plain insight cut through a lot of corporate B.S. His black and white view of the world and work was shaped in a different, earlier age. It wasn’t meant to offend, and although some were surprised and offended by him, few who knew him were.
The exec who interviewed me made no secret of the fact that he didn’t like it when women went on maternity leave. He considered it a great inconvenience. So, when he suspected that a female executive who reported to him was expecting, he sent his secretary down to do a little subtle snooping. Of course, the female exec saw through this clumsy attempt and called her boss. She told him, “I know why you sent Linda down and I have to tell you something. I can’t have children.” His response? “Oh, that’s a tremendous relief. Thank you for telling me.” Insensitive? Yes, indeed, absolutely. Offensive? It would have been easy to be outraged, but the female exec knew the guy’s background, understood that he wasn’t trying to offend her and laughed it off. Indeed, those who worked for him often found his inadvertent insensitivity amusing and it became the fodder for many good stories.
"One of our biggest problems as a society isn’t the color of our skins but how thin they’ve become."
Today, of course, things would be different. The exec in question would have been chastised, sent for diversity and sensitivity training and maybe even fired or hauled into court. Fortunately for him and all of us, he retired before it came to that. For all of the earnest preaching about tolerance that takes place in the workplace, the reality is that there would be a lot less tolerance for a relic like him today. And I think that’s because we have become more inclined to surrender to others the power to offend us, whether that is the intention or not. In fact, I believe that one of our biggest problems as a society isn’t the color of our skins but how thin they’ve become.
"Who knows what transgressions our self righteous early 21st century society will have committed in the eyes of those who live 100 or even 50 years from now."
We sometimes hear public figures apologizing for using words or phrases that might not have even known were offensive because they've taken on whole new meanings in popular culture. Or worse, how often do people take offense at valid words the meaning of which they don’t understand, simply because the words sound like other words that are considered offensive? (I’d list some but I don’t want to piss anyone off.) On top of that, our prevailing tendency is to make judgments about people from another age using the standards that are in place today. But who knows what transgressions our self righteous early 21st century society will have committed in the eyes of those who live 100 or even 50 years from now.
"Don’t hand over to anyone else the power to offend you."
So, I would offer this advice: Don’t hand over to anyone else the power to offend you. Start off assuming good intentions on the part of others. If it turns out that someone really is trying to offend you, they won’t be successful if you let it roll off your back. That’ll piss ‘em off good and you’ll be happier if you do.
